Resistance. It’s a certainty that what you resist, persists. This is one of the reasons I’m back. I’m taking the path of least resistance. Writing is a part of my soul and it seems as though I am not complete unless I am doing it.
It’s awesome to feel the keys tap-tapping under my fingers. Hearing them is even musical. I mostly listen to 70’s rock or some cool meditation stuff when I’m at work. (Check out Abraham-Hicks).
I would do just about anything to drown out the sound of my co-worker’s incessant Barry Manilow music. I’ve heard Barry hit the high note about 17 times today with the same song. My goodness, his balls must be killing him by now. (not nearly as much as my ears are killing me, I’m sure)
When know-it-all, busy-body, church lady (co-worker) starts singing, humming, whistling and stomping her feet to Barry’s songs, I become instantly clairvoyant. I begin having visions of grabbing my stapler and glue and permanently shutting her up. The visions are so real and they fill me with such joy! Oh, please! I can meditate and burn incense and still be a bitch. I’m just exploring the “shadow side” of myself. We will definitely get into that in a future post.
So, where have I been, right? It’s been a long time. I know some of you might be a little pissed with me. I understand and I’m really sorry. Others have warmed my heart with personal pleas to start writing my blog again. To this I respond with heartfelt gratitude for your love for me. You all know who you are. Love from many sources has been one of the things that has sustained me in these last many months.
I’ve been going through a very difficult time, personally. No, Al didn’t leave me. I wish the haters (another story) would just understand that he’s not going anywhere – that ball and chain is rusted to his skinny ass. And, thank God, no one is sick or died. I did, however, feel sick in my heart for the longest time. In many ways l am mourning a loss. I don’t know that I’ll ever recover from it. I’m not able to discuss the details but suffice it to say that I felt like I died.
With raw honesty, I am going to tell you that there was a point where I’m not sure that I didn’t maybe toy with the idea of death. Just a little. What a scary place that was! Thank God for those organic kettle chips and mocha chip frozen yogurt bars that I had been using for pain relief. I couldn’t stop eating them. They saved my life although I did gain 8 lbs. Poor Al, every time I would start to cry he would run to the grocery store for more chips and yogurt bars. He didn’t know what else to do for me. I was quite the hot mess.
This past June, I went on an amazing spiritual journey to immerse in the vortex energies of Sedona, Arizona. My sister accompanied me along with some friends who I had only chatted with on the internet but never met in person. Some day I will write about that magical journey but now I just want to say that the time I spent in Sedona was beyond amazing. It was also the beginning of my path to healing.
Day by day I’ve gotten a little better, a little stronger. I’ve come to terms with very dark and painful things. I didn’t even realize that for years, I had been avoiding these things. One day, they got out of control and there was no choice but to finally turn and face them. You see, what you resist, persists.
The human spirit is amazing. Once the will to survive takes over, the healing begins to take place. Once the decision is made to move forward no matter the circumstance, the dynamics change. When you finally understand that there are just some things you can’t change no matter how badly you want it, your perspective shifts. You are left with no choice but to move forward.
So there I was standing on this cliff. I looked back at everything in my life that I thought was real but now understand that my reality had been very distorted. I took the path of least resistance and I jumped off of that cliff.
I grew new wings in mid-flight and I was lifted to a higher place. I could see the light once more. It was different but it was light nonetheless. I can’t yet explain that difference. I’m still trying to get used to these new wings and this new light but I know that I will. I guess you could say that my path took a new path. At first, this wasn’t my choice but it then BECAME my choice. These feelings are very difficult to articulate so I hope I’m making sense to you.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and all that crap from high school wasn’t really crap at all. Thank you, Robert Frost. Perhaps you were teaching the past of least resistance.
Until soon and with lots of love,
I forgot to mention that every time Al went to the store to buy my yogurt bars, he bought himself “a little” ice cream too. He also had to have the bananas, chocolate chips, hot fudge and whip cream to go with it. Oh and let’s not forget the chocolate cake he layered on the bottom of this sugar mountain.
I may have gained 8lbs. but he now has man boobs. I’m guessing they are around an A cup. I know this is way more information than you needed to know but in the spirit of the path of least resistance, telling you this is making me laugh. So glad Al doesn’t read this blog. 🙂